I need help with eating disorder

[Ralad72]

From my previous posts you can know I am a perfectionist, which also apply when it comes down to food and eating healthy.
Which as you can tell developed into a problem of mine.

I am reaching to DAREBEE comunity because it always helped me (I had a couple of personal trainers unsuccessfully)

When I started my weight loss journey back in 2017 I didn't use any calories calculators or anything like that, just did my research on how to eat healthy and excersise at it went well.

After a while it was difficult for me to lose that few last kgs so I downloaded a calories counter app, which over time led to that, that I developed a serious eating disorder that was getting worse over time and led to very unhealthy relationship with food, obsessive calories counting, obsessive food weighing and binge eating disorder which I still have. I always lost some kgs than put it back on and last year or so I just give up losing weight because the calories counting driving me crazy.

( sidenote: I also has a light form of autism so that is leading to depression sometimes and also that is what makes want everything to be perfect - both of these things are connected to my food relationship, because the ED I has is leading to depression sometimes because I don't know if what I am doing is perfect)

I don't know what to do, I really want to stop counting calories because I know it makes me feel bad and it can lead to serious psychological problems, but on the other hand I don't know if I can stop counting calories and still lose weight, I am afraid of it. (I don't have problems with eating healthy, the numbers are the problem for me and I need to have a healthy relationship with food again.)

Thank you for any advice, I would also like to know what is your opinion on calories counting here in DAREBEE comunity.

(PS: my height is 173 cm, I'm 20 years old and has 77 kgs, I am running 5K 2-3x times a week and do some light full body darebee workout 2-3x times a week, but apart of that I am sitting at my desk or in school studying most of the time)

(I also used this calculator and it told me I should eat 1915 calories a day do you think it's enough and not too much? - maybe if I know that I am doing it right my mind will be at ease? https://tdeecalculator.net/)

 

[Fremen]

If the numbers are the problem, don't use them.
If you've learned to eat healthily on a regular basis you don't need to count all your calories all the time.
The problem with diets is that they work as an exception but then you have to find your normality that works for you forever.
Weight is also not a reliable indicator, you can be the same weight and be all muscle or struggle to find muscle
Eat healthy and train, the rest are just more or less absurd models imposed by common aesthetic sense.
It's just my opinion so take it for what it is, it's a very complex subject but I felt it could be useful to "keep it simple"

 

[Ralad72]

I eat what I call normal, me and my wife have our portion sizes, she eats less than me and I like lifting weight so eat a bit more. I have used Cronometer ages ago just out of curiosity then when I did a vegan challenge to check on my amino acids. Basically just eat 3 times a day and don't worry about tracking anything.

What I calculated on your H&W was 2138 to lose weight and 2672 to maintain, you should lose weight slowly not try to do it fast. That at moderately active.

I worked as a labourer before retiring so could eat a lot, now I eat moderately and workout everyday.

Thanky you and @Fremen too, I will try to ditch the numbers and trackers and just focus on training and eating less and healthy.

I am just afraid I will not lose weight because except the one time a day I am doing some sport I am just sitting at my studies. I am also very bad at estimating food portions by eye, or maybe I just never really did it without any scale, so I am a little bit afraid that if I stoup counting it I will eat too much.

 

[Ralad72]

I am just afraid I will not lose weight because except the one time a day I am doing some sport I am just sitting at my studies. I am also very bad at estimating food portions by eye, or maybe I just never really did it without any scale, so I am a little bit afraid that if I stoup counting it I will eat too much.

@Fremen @TopNotch @Henry ,Do you have any advice on this?

 

[Fremen]

Thanky you and @Fremen too, I will try to ditch the numbers and trackers and just focus on training and eating less and healthy.

I am just afraid I will not lose weight because except the one time a day I am doing some sport I am just sitting at my studies. I am also very bad at estimating food portions by eye, or maybe I just never really did it without any scale, so I am a little bit afraid that if I stoup counting it I will eat too much.

I usually weigh myself daily without making it an obsession but simply to have a measuring stick and then I adjust the amount of food and the exercise I do.
We decide the meals in advance, my partner and I make a list of meals for the whole week so that they are balanced.
Personally I prefer to exercise a little more than eating "too little", it creates less problems for me.
Micro Workouts Collection I really like the idea of doing more exercise by inserting a few breaks on the fly during the day

 

[Ralad72]

@Henry So your best advice is to eat 3 times a day, eat healthy, eat less and do excersise i like and generally move more and don't worry about counting anything and I should lose weight?

Because I just had a total mental breakdown regardless calories counting I wanted to clarify if I understand you correctly?

I usually have some quark with müsli and piece of fruit for breakfast, some meat with a side (potatoes, rice or pasta) and i like to have 3 eggs with 2 pieces of bread and some veggies for dinner.

Btw that burger looks really good

 

[Ralad72]

@Ralad72 When I worked for a builder I would eat every 2 hours, very labour intense. It was a great burger and I had homefries (boiled potatoes chopped and fried up a bit) instead of salad.

My thoughts are to get into more serious 4 day a week weight training and light workouts on other days. I like to just eat normal but work hard, I don't bother with having X amount of protein carbs and fats. When you work hard you get hungry as needed, your body will tell you to eat. I've been on the treadmil or other such to see how many calories you burn and its hardly anything you'd have to be on the machines for hours.

Keep it going, I am sure you are doing great at your workouts

I on the other hand really love running so that's also something that burns a lot of calories so you are right I shouldn't really bother with it as long as I am working out.
I am doing some darebee full body workouts on non running days to keep me in shape for running, they are not my main focus, but everyone likes different things.

Anyway thank you so much once again, you really helped me clear my mind a little bit, settle my thoughts and gave me some good advices.

Hope you have a nice day.

 

[Fitato]

I'm very sorry you're going through this. I have binge eating disorder as well. For bingers, it's usually advised to try your best not to be overly restrictive, which I know is very hard when you're trying to cut down on your calories. I also recently learned that if you deprive yourself too much of "goodies" (indulgences; sweets, junk food), that can make it easier to trigger a binge eating episode.

I can't offer any other advice right now with your other challenges, but if you ever need someone to message about this, my inbox is open.

Wishing you all the best

 

[Silverleaf]

As someone further down the road of ED recovery (binge and restrict), I understand how hard it is to move away from the numbers. Everyone is different and what works for me might not work for you, but I have found the following helpful in my ED recovery journey:

1. Photographing my food to shift away from calorie counting - this allowed me to visually see what I was eating.
2. Linked to the above, I focused more on adding fruit and vegetables to my meals.
3. Eat when hungry and eat what you 'feel' like eating. I found this helpful to shift away from binging. There were times when I would have a piece of cake for breakfast, but over time, that has shifted towards more nutritious foods like porridge with fruit as I listened more to my body and what it was wanting.
4. I stopped labelling food 'bad', 'good', 'sinful', 'treat' etc. A piece of cake is just a piece of cake.
5. Exercise to feel good. It has taken a mental breakdown through overwork to understand and grasp this concept.
6. Ignore the scale - as a woman, the scale goes up and down more so than for guys and there would be times when I would weigh myself multiple times a day. I take photos every other week and make a note of gains in my workouts e.g. lifting heavier, higher reps, seeing baby biceps, clothes feeling looser.

Feel free to ask me any questions. I wish you the best of luck with your ED recovery

 

[Kendelemen]

It's like you're describing this battle going on inside your head, and it sounds incredibly tough.