Finding my path again

aerochic

Active member
None from Maryland
Posts: 40
"Doing some introspection"
So I've realized that my ongoing weight gain is largely due to laziness; laziness of the mind and the body. I've let myself become ruled by the don't wannas and the don't cares for the last couple of years. Like many, at the beginning of covid I started teleworking and basically everything around me was closed down. Things started off ok for me, but then small incursions of laziness started creeping in, like taking a shower but then not bothering to brush my hair or letting the dishes slide a night or not writing to-do lists. Not because I didn't have the time, but rather because I just want to do those things. Nobody was going to see me and I could always do the dishes the next day. Things progressed over time to skipping the occasional shower all together and then i haven't done the dishes for 3 days and I have no more clean spoons and not measuring much less logging my food anymore. The weight started going back on and other things start getting dropped, like paying a bill late because I lost track of days, more housework not getting done, wasting time playing apps on my phone, increased distraction, decreased motivation at work, less desire to exercise, more binge watching TV shows. The thoughts of I don't want to do whatever are coming more often and I'm listening to them more often as well. The don't wannas then progressed to the don't cares and then persistent procrastination for all aspects of my life. So many more examples. In addition to moving less, my work is suffering due to lack of motivation/ give a sh*t, I'm also letting myself cave to the mindless munchies so more calories of both the unhealthier food and the too much persuasion.

All of this over the last two years has lead to being the heaviest I've probably ever been and definitely the most of out of shape. I'm a lot more squishy, I get winded super easy doing simple things - getting the mail, playing with the dog, going up one flight of stairs, my body is achier, I'm sleeping worse. No big surprise on any of those. I've been doing a lot of thinking recently of how I let things get this bad as well how I can change the mindset I've been where the little things do in fact matter. I think my wake-up call was realizing my lack of effort in some things was leading to legit forgetting super simple things like turning off the water after washing my hands, not closing the cabinet after getting out a dish, going to refill my water cup only to neglect to bring the refilled cup back my desk, losing track of my train of thought in middle of writing an email, etc.

So basically I'm at the admitting I have a problem stage without any clear path as how to turn things around and improve my health both the physically and mentally. This week, I've started logging my food again - definitely need to work on that habit again but I"m starting. I've also starting writing to-do lists again with a couple easy to accomplish things per day.I"m trying to conscious of completing what I started especially the small stuff. Clearly I need a real plan, but starting to pay attention to the small like brushing my hair regularly and paying an iota of attention to my diet will start getting me into a better place which should start improving the physical. Somehow I have to stop listening to don't wannas and making efforts of applying myself. I just have to remember it took time and lots of repetition of bad habits to get to this place; the same thing applies to the way back and that the small choices really do matter in the long run even if they don't seem to do squat in the immediate.The other thing I'm trying is to make journaling a habit so I force myself to think. Her's to something. CHeers!
 

Fremen

Well-known member
Shaman from Italy
Posts: 3,183
"“Keep an eye on the staircases. They like to change.” Percy Weasley, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone."
Welcome to the New Hive :)
 

aerochic

Active member
None from Maryland
Posts: 40
"Doing some introspection"
With the recent introspection, two big thoughts have been bouncing around my head. Procrastination is the assassination of determination. I used to think that saying was dumb, but it is very relevant to me anymore. and a good summary of how I got where I am today. The other one is Newton's 1st law: An object in motion stays in motion unless otherwise acted upon and an object at rest stays at rest unless otherwise acted on by an outside force. Well if the object is my body then I've fallen into the second part and need to change it to first part.

Because i don't like doing Monday weigh-ins, I'm going to make Thursday my official log the weight days. I usually look every day, but in the past recording it once a week has helped. So this morning 242.2lb.

In an attempt to work on the small things, I'm going to start off a Just For Today goals. I'm trying not to make it a todo list per se, but rather changes broken up into small pieces and to establish better habits. Sometimes they will be things I've been putting off, sometimes things will be on repeat as i work on the habit side of things.

JFT 10/27/2022
1. Log all food. This is not about calorie counting yet although it will help with that, but rather getting back in the habit of paying attention to what goes in my mouth.
2. Brush teeth before bed. Another small thing that has fallen by the wayside of doing regularly.
3. Mark the berry plants
4. Brush the dog.
 

aerochic

Active member
None from Maryland
Posts: 40
"Doing some introspection"
Looks like I have to play with bats today to help defend the hive.

<JFT 10/27/2022
1. Log all food. This is not about calorie counting yet although it will help with that, but rather getting back in the habit of paying attention to what goes in my mouth. DONE. well mostly, I know there was some mindless munchies that I didn't log but still better than I've been doing.
2. Brush teeth before bed. Another small thing that has fallen by the wayside of doing regularly.DONE
3. Mark the berry plants DONE
4. Brush the dog.DONE. Double coated dog blowing her summer coat so fluff everywhere. I think she's nearly done. Once we give her a bath, I can work on defluffing the house some more.>

JFT 10/28/2022:
1. Log all food (breakfast done)
2. Brush teeth before bed.
3. Prune roses to take them off of attack mode for the upcoming trick or treaters
4. Package up jacket for return
5. Defend the hive -500 punches.
 

cuprite

Member
Posts: 17
Good luck! I struggle a lot with "don't want to"s and "don't have to"s as well, pretty much constantly due to chronic (mild) depression. In my experience, the brain is wired to do things that make it feel good, so when trying to overcome laziness or self loathing it's almost more important to celebrate the achievements you did acomplish than just trying to mindlessly plow through them and get them done, at least at first.

Remember that when you start getting back into that pattern of not wanting to do any of it, doing anything (1 minute, 1 punch, 1 walk around the block) is better than doing nothing. Beating yourself up about "not doing enough" is denying the acknowledgement that you overcame the intense desire to maintain your stagnation and instead did *something*, which means you *accomplished your goal* of changing your momentum. All you have to do is keep that momentum going and overcome those mental barriers, and you'll slowly get there.

I don't mean for this to sound preach-y. I know you most likely know all this already. Or perhaps you operate entirely differently and this was all useless and anecdotal. But if it helps at all to know, you're not alone on this journey. However you get there, you have people here who will acknowledge your progress and the strength it took to overcome these obstacles.
 

aerochic

Active member
None from Maryland
Posts: 40
"Doing some introspection"
Honestly @cuprite that's one of the big things I"m trying to change and enforce in my brain. I've been stuck in this the small stuff doesn't matter mode for a bit, so it's taking some mental gymnastics to purposefully change things. Be they good or bad, I have to remember the small things do add up and that 1% is better than 0% even though that idea is usually countered internally pretty quick of if you don't "finish" then why bother at all.

My weight is up a little this week, but I also know I completely caved to the wanting and eating all the carbs for a couple days including leftover Halloween candy and no food logging, so d'uh. But the flip side is that instead of my weight staying exactly the same day to day there was a lot more fluctuation this week both ups and downs. I'm also taking that as a win, because even though the scale is not showing what I desire, I am moving around more in general this week and increased NEAT is supposed to be a good thing. I also had DOMS for a couple days after helping to defend the hive (showing how really out of shape I am, as I did not push), but yet I still moved a decent amount last couple of days.

So in efforts of making the small things count some more here are my JFT's just to hold myself accountable.

JFT Nov3, 2022
1. Halloween boxes away. I got everything packed up yesterday but I've yet to get the boxes into the basement.
2. Pictures emailed for calendar.
3. Log food. I had to go back and think after the meals for b'fast and lunch but I did get those in.
4. Day 3 power Punch Challenge
 

aerochic

Active member
None from Maryland
Posts: 40
"Doing some introspection"
How about my next goal being keep this journal going for more than 2 or 3 days in a row. 4 day weekend, which doesn't help my consistency in anything - exercise (well ok movement) levels are usually up, food is more random, logging food and here is usually not a thing on the weekends.

JFT 11/9/22 ok more like the plan for tomorrow/the weekend since it's already evening now.
Day 3 of Arms of Steel
Log food
I need to do a lot of cleaning
 

aerochic

Active member
None from Maryland
Posts: 40
"Doing some introspection"
The logging still not going consistent (obviously), but since I last posted I've done up through Day 8 of Arms of Steel. I've actually done some small amount of dedicated exercise (I don't count walking the dog) every day for a week. woohoo! that is something! The last couple of days i"ve also been making efforts for moving around more during work. I also started writing up to-do list and working on it even. Over the last couple of weeks, I've been doing the dishes almost every night, a couple times in a day even. I've been sweeping the floor more often. I've been brushing both my teeth and hair more often. Very little changes I realize but they were also some of the things that kind of fell by the way side and weren't done regularly. I"m hoping that making these small changes will stick and lead to other ones.

I had lost my pedometer recently while walking the dog I think and thought I would be ok without but I've feel like I've been moving less without so ordered another one and it should be here in a couple days. It's literally just a step counter but the little mini step goals help plus immediate feedback on how I'm actually doing.

The next thing I really need to add is logging my food for more than just a meal or two. While the scale is moving more often, it is still creeping up. I know the mindless munching is still winning a lot. Usually once I start measuring and logging regularly the mindless munchies go down. Some of it is actually the lazy thing, I don't want to log whatever, so I just don't eat it. This is one don't wanna I need to keep and encourage. I did manage to get breakfast (mostly) and dinner logged, but the food in between not so much. Log all food tomorrow is my one real goal.
 
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aerochic

Active member
None from Maryland
Posts: 40
"Doing some introspection"
How did I let things get this bad? I started FOundation Light yesterday. Day 2 and I'm feeling even the first set. I'm pushing through with all 7 sets to level 3 because it's nothing I can't do,but it's took me a lot longer than I would have thought. BUT this is how I begin yet again. I"ve also logged breakfast. Once more and once more again.
 
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