So... busy busy time... I wasn't allowed to rest... but I'm definitely having to rest today... It's like God simply turned off all of those "affliction blockers" that he's been providing me with and said, "REST! NOW!" HAHAHA! Funny thing is, though, through this moment, I came to know my limits, and I surpassed them once again! So, yeah... I guess, I needed this moment to learn a new method of surpassing my limits!
Weight: 295lbs (small victory there)
I am currently observing a fast on behalf of my friend and extending an invitation to anybody who wishes to fast and/or pray on her behalf as well to do so. She and her family are struggling right now, and they could use all the love that can be offered to them (quite frankly, couldn't we all?). Anyway, just putting that out there.
So, no food or drink today, and I will report back either on Sunday or Monday, as part of my observance will be a tech-free one due to the addictive nature of technology in my life, and "habit forming" addictions should really be avoided anyway, but especially if I'm making a grand gesture to God, methinks... HAHAHA!
Have a good weekend! Hopefully, I'll be able to return to a healthy routine of exploring Darebee in more ways than just utilizing the check-in threads very soon! Might be wishful thinking, but I'm feeling optimistic!
I am back, and once again, I am both happy and miserable. My body is miserable because it's finally in a position where I am able to heal, which means all of the fevers and aches that come with it have emerged, but I'm, personally, very happy. God gave me all the strength I needed to help my friend, and He has given me a time of respite so that I may fully heal... I'm certain there will be more work for me to do once I've rested a brief period.
I do not know exactly what I'll be eating while I'm sick, as I am at the mercy of my family in that regard, and aside from stretches, I am definitely NOT working out...
Listening to some music and found a song that just feels right with @JCU's winter wonderland! Well, a unique lullaby, at least.
ENGLISH LYRICS (as stated online):
This stage is the dearest of my children
Where moonlight moves through alleys
A bent twig, a summer in its care
White vast open sea
On the wings of a phantom moon
Comes to take me home
In winterland a moment is an eternity
Creeps to me on kitten paws
I get to live here where the story begins
Where a violin echoes the eternal melody of immense longing Waking up the earth with its song
Ok, guys, I'ma be real with y'all... I am NOT recovering nicely... I spent an hour this morning bawling my eyes out in intense pain, on the floor hacking my innards out, in my own puddle of urine which wouldn't quit flowing because that's just how violently I've been coughing, unable to move because every attempt resulted in a dizzy spell that had me once more floor-bound... I am ok now... cleaned up, in bed, puppy pee pads and lady diapers currently on my shopping list until the coughing subsides enough for my pelvic floor to rest and recover from the force of my coughs... I literally have whiplash, and my heart rate won't go down... This afternoon, my house will once more be filled with up to ten children to eat me out of house and home, but I have snacks ready, and the cabbage and sausage stew made with three different types of bone broth (chicken, beef, pork) and stored in the freezer for days such as this is currently being thawed... But I was such a hot mess today that my oldest stayed home to help around the house, and my third child couldn't go to school due to anxiety from my bawling... This morning was just really trying for everyone...
That being said, today's definitely another day of R&R... I'm still allowing my friend to bring her children, but she's watching them herself instead of going to school first and then joining us in the afternoon (which was our original arrangement)... the important matter is making sure they have a place to be kids while their house is currently untouchable.
Breakfast: Cabbage and sausage stew
Dinner: Probably the same thing *snackstuffs: lots of herbal tea, mint cocoa, charcuterie snacks, rice gruel, enough fire cider to burn a hole through acid itself (I be poppin' cough drops like candy)
Fitness plan: Rest, mobility stretches
Pray for me... There's only so much my currently prolapsed innards can take...
A little festive music for the upcoming season... Thanks @legolo for introducing me to Sabaton, among other things. Sabaton's been my sick music list...'cause it's sick, yo! HAHAHA!
UPDATE: I'm feeling better, but still lost my pelvic floor to this illness... GREAT NEWS: I KNOW NOW WHAT I NEED TO DO NEXT AS FAR AS MY CURRENT HEALTH AND FITNESS JOURNEY IS CONCERNED... FOCUS ON PELVIC FLOOR AND CORE STRENGTH!!! .... Mostly pelvic floor... I hope we can afford physical therapy, because I'm gonna need it! Those monitors may be miserably invasive, but they're great for tracking progress! Pray I don't need a mesh for prolapse as well! If I can't put myself back together again, that's the next step.
ALSO... My friend had the wisdom to see that today was just a REALLY bad day for me and took her kids elsewhere! So, two whole days of being sick without any responsibilities or obligations preventing me from trying to die in peace... er... rest and recover...
So, I'm still not well enough to do much today... I'm practically bed-ridden. My Mother-In-Law will be visiting, but my friend will not. I will be in my room either way because I'm too sick to be a gracious host.
Breakfast: smoked salmon on rice
Dinner: ham, kale salad w/red grapes, walnuts, crumbled feta, and honey vinaigrette, deviled eggs, pizza croissants, biscuits, cornbread muffins, sweet rice (barely rice pudding), and brownies... though, I have no clue what I'll actually be getting because my family will be eating first, and I get what's left... meaning plenty of kale, some ham, and maybe some cornbread muffins and rice.
I sent my kids to the store to pick up the ham themselves. My only rule was to make sure it was on the bone because I intend to make myself some good broth!
No workout today... just a few mobility stretches and sad attempts at kegels. This week has shown me my geriatric self, and I am so ready to let God take me sooner.
I daresay... I think I may finally be in recovery!!! Too sick to do anything for the holiday, but I didn't wake up this morning having to convince myself that we can't afford a hospital stay. So, I'll take that win! Have you ever sat right next to a humidifier and it still not feel like enough? If my water heater could hold up to my impossibly high standards, I'd never leave my bathroom...
Somebody threw away my ham bone.
Breakfast: Ham and sweet rice
Dinner: Whatever Thanksgiving leftovers my family deems me worthy of... though, probably just some leftover cabbage and sausage stew over rice...
*snackstuffs: lots of extra tea.... maybe some eggy rice... I will be snacking on gingko dew and universe juice like the Dragon Warrior that I am!!! Weight: 294lbs still... Lovin' the consistency... though unexpected due to the fact that I'm sick...
Fitness: Do not be fooled by appearances... I am merely training on a higher plane of existence...
I survived Thanksgiving with much sleep and was rewarded with much leftovers from other families... I feel loved!
I am still sick but I am recovering a little faster now... I really want to be up and about, but if I do, I'll almost certainly need to finish my recovering in a hospital. This last illness has been pretty bad. Though, I admit that I did it to myself, I also admit that I have no regrets. God gave me what I needed, and then He took away and said, "REST!!!" knowing full well that if He gave me any more I'd probably work myself to a premature death... There's a tiny miracle to be had in my resting, though. When I couldn't move anymore, my friend suddenly felt too exhausted to move... It was as if my resting gave her permission to rest. Our husbands took the reigns and dedicated all of their free time together towards fixing up the home while she and I are both resting. Truthfully, she really needed the rest. She's already lost one due to stress, and if she keeps going held together by adrenalin, she'll lose the other one... In this case, depression is preserving her remaining one by forcing her to stay down.
So, breakfast and dinner are Thanksgiving leftovers and everything in between...
Fitness plan: core mobility stretches, kegels, more training on a higher plane of existence
Weight: 295lbs... spoke too soon about stability in my weight...
Still sick... my friend is having a rough morning, and I feel utterly useless about it... Truthfully, I'm spending most of my time sleeping off fevers still... Better than I was in the beginning, but nowhere near good enough to be there for her once more.
Breakfast: lotsa tea, clementine, crackers
Dinner: I have no frickin' clue what the heck I'm eating anymore, but I sure could go for some more eggy rice... maybe I'll try my hand at some omurice... never made that before... better save that one for when I'm no longer hacking a new stream into existence every two seconds... God doesn't have to flood the earth again, he just needs to get enough moms sick... *snacktime: I made a quick platter for the kids again and grabbed some for myself... sliced apples, colby jack squares, and some Christmas cookies... I'll probably make another platter this afternoon with crackers, Babybell bites, and some hard candies...
Fitness: continuing my mobility stretches, kegels (lotta good they're doing when they're being undone every time I have a coughing fit!), and sleeping off my fevers as they come.
UPDATE: Change in plans... Friend's kids are at my house because she's out for the count BIGTIME!!! Playroom and library floors are swept, snacks are laid out on a table that has been covered with one of those scratchy blankets that you only pull out in the wintertime because it's freezing and you're desperate, but would never use in a million years if not for the fact that you have a layer of bedding on either side of it protecting you from that dreaded sensation... apparently, the kids thought it'd be an ideal picnic blanket because it's pink and wouldn't be missed... and kids are playing happily with my chickens (because they can't run away like the cats can... ) Et voila! This is how we do when we can't do....
THE FOLLOWING PARAGRAPH IS TRIGGERING... YOU MAY WANT TO SKIP AHEAD...
Lost my temper today... I'm just so frickin' tired of being sick in a house that's not productive towards healing... Who's been taking care of things in the home while I was sick? I sure as hell haven't? I can't breathe... I know it's my home that's making me more sick, but I'm the only person who seems to care that my home is killing me! My home is such a mess that it gave me asthma... how do I know that I may have asthma? Because when I lost my temper, I had a HUGE adrenalin rush, and for a BRIEF moment, my lungs opened up... and then I started cleaning and immediately started wheezing as dust and God-knows-what started flying into the air... But here's the salt to my wound... When I started complaining, my husband said it was my fault I got this way in the first place. Them's fightin' words! When I started yelling and telling my kids to get of their damn tech and help me clean (house rules: No tech time until homework and chores are done, and library is cleaned), everyone cleared house, including my spouse... just up and walked out of the house... I ain't raisin' no damn lazy cowards! I AM THE LIFEBLOOD OF THIS HOUSE FOR GOD'S SAKE!!! I KNOW IT, THEY KNOW IT, AND THEY DAMN WELL KNOW THAT I KNOW THAT THEY KNOW IT!!! AND THEIR NEGLIGENCE WHEN I'M OUT OF COMMISSION IS LITERALLY KILLING ME!!! So, yes.. I lost my temper... and cried... a lot.
Don't mind me, I'm just having a REALLY bad day... super emotional... I'll be back to my cheerful self after I've exercised the demons of sloth and uncleanliness from my home! Mamma's on a rampage...
So, for today, I really should rest, but I'm cleaning my house instead and will likely be hospitalized at some point this week for neglecting my health again...
Fitness: I'm sure I'll get in plenty of cardio and heavy lifting, in my laundry, running from room to room, and throwing crap outside to be dumped (yes, I'm literally throwing things, and it feels good to get it out of my house... Why am I throwing heavy furniture? It's already craptastically broken, but if I yeet it from the door to where the trash can is, I'm sending a very clear message that 1) it's trash, stop bringing crap that lasts only two days home from your dumpster diving adventures and give me something that can stand the test of kids! and 2) it's officially broken, can't be repaired, I've hidden the duct tape and wood glue anyway, get rid of it! Oh, how I miss my bodybuilding days! Tossin' furniture across the yard feels so good!!! I'm sure I'll be hurtin' for tomorrow morning.
Breakfast: I ate nothing... I was too busy dying in my bed to care about food or drink, and nobody bothered bringing me anything... frankly, I'm feverish right now, too... Drinkin' electrolytes to keep me going
Dinner: Pizza... the veggie pizza that I like, not the fun stuff that the kids eat... they can choke on my food or starve *snackstuffs: Fruits, veggies, coconut pecan cookies, cheez-its
And that's my update/vent for the day... back to work I go...
UPDATE: I'm having my home tested for mold and contemplating moving out with the kids until I get confirmation of its safety... Truth be told, I've been feeling for a while that this house is toxic, and I know it's not just how messy the place can get when I fall ill... Everyone seems to be getting sick in my house more frequently than is considered "normal"... It's a genuine concern. Anyway... I'm still unsure, but it's a thought I've been having more and more frequently... Either way, I'm definitely getting a home inspection.
Wow! What a vent! It was quite cathartic - even for me! I get you. You're not the only one who lives there but it seems you're the only one who really cares what else lives there!
Get an inspection. At the very least, it will make you feel better mentally.
Getting rid of stuff, especially broken or patched stuff, will also help you feel better mentally. And physically. A calm and beautiful environment (whatever your definition of calm and beautiful is) will help you get a calm and beautiful mind.
So... yeah... I was hospitalized... Bronchitis and asthma. Inspection happened... my need for a new roof and bathroom has been confirmed... Insurance and bank noped me again. I set up a gofundme account, but I don't know if I'm allowed to share here without breaking Darebee rules because it's self-promotion... Anyway, tests couldn't explain the fevers... clear lungs, nothing viral or bacterial... Using a nebulizer that gives me more adrenaline shakes than helps with my cough, but my husband, after realizing I was dead serious about leaving if he didn't fix whatever's killing me, got an air purifier and started tearing apart the bathroom... So, small win for the dense guy who only takes me seriously after I've collapsed.
Also, the reason why everyone bolted when I started wielding cleaning tools like a madwoman was because they figured, no matter the angle they could view the situation, they'd still only be in the way... Kinda brought me back to when my mom started cleaning like a madwoman... It's true... moms are scary when they get fed up with messes... HAHAHA! Apparently, three of my children held a special counsel to discuss chores and who cleans what and on what days just to make sure it never happens again... BAHAHAHA! My poor kids! I appreciate their thoughtful concern that will likely only carry them through for one or two weeks before they forget the terror of what will forever go down in family history as "the exorcism".
Breakfast: clementine, leftover chimichanga, lotsa warm tea
Dinner: More cabbage and sausage stew from the deep freezer... kids are wanting me to make deviled eggs again. So, I may surprise them if I'm not winded by the end of the day. Frankly, my meds aren't helping enough to notice.
*snackstuffs: chocolate dipped pretzels, mozzarella cheese sticks and apple slices today... Not sure if my friend will be over today as long as my bathroom is making people sick, but I've gotten so accustomed to making snack boards for her kids that I'm just in the habit of making them... My kids are loving it, too!
Fitness: Yeh, when I can breathe without coughing, cough without peeing, and pee without cramping, I'll get back to you...