The Journey Continues

kandy

Active member
Honeybee Posts: 33
Hi everyone,

I am reestablishing this thread because my old account seems to be deleted...

Those who know me know I have an alcohol addiction, and honestly I relapsed. The withdrawal has become worse, and the dynamics between drinking and trying not to drink has become more dramatic.

I reached out to a treatment center under my friend's influence. Not sure how things will go, though.

I worked out today, mostly stretching and walking. I was tired all the time and my attention span was low. My cardiovascular was weakee than ever. When I try to stay sharp and concentrating it doesn't last very long.

I will keep things updated. One thing I would really like to achieve is the 5k, and than under 25mins. Another thing is those really cool movements like pull up, hand stand, planche, L sit, etc.
 

GentleOx

Well-known member
Warrior from Hong Kong
Posts: 169
I'm sorry to hear about your relapse. Withdrawals are an absolute nightmare to go through. I've gone to work and sat through lectures while going through withdrawal and they were absolutely punishing. If you can at all, take it easy, rest up, and drink lots of liquids with electrolytes. Exercise will get easier over time.

Take it one day at a time, and you'll be alright! And welcome for your new thread.
 

Fremen

Well-known member
Mercenary from Italy
Posts: 1,104
"“Keep an eye on the staircases. They like to change.” Percy Weasley, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone."
Welcome to the New Hive :)
:love:
 

kandy

Active member
Honeybee Posts: 33
Wow Darebee created badges for all their Challenges. I clicked a couple ones that I completed in the past but for the most part I would like to start it all over. But I am really curious just how the badges look like. It certainly motivates me.

I started the Deadhang Challenge yesterday. 10 secs wasn't as hard as I thought, but the top of my feet was touching another bar. That probably made it easier. Not intentionally going easy but it made me feel safe.
 

kandy

Active member
Honeybee Posts: 33
Dead Hang, day 2, 20 secs straight! :cool: I raised my legs up a bit to get totally suspended for most of the time. ;)
20+ mins walk
Bunch of stretches:
- Calf, 5 secs up 5 secs down, 2 sets of 10; static, 2 sets of 30 secs each side
- Single deadlifts 5-sec holds, 2 sets of 10 each side
- Glutes stretches, 3 sets of 10 (left), 2 sets (right)
- others
---
I don't think I have ever done a 20-sec hang, but I am lighter than before, too.
And gradually getting back to my previous routine.

I don't have much idea about the new Hive. Kinda wish the old feature of showing the badges underneath your avatar to be back. But it's a bit nagging, too, when many of us have so many badges that each post can take up so much space unnecessarily. I know it's just the internet and doesn't matter but, still.
 
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mavie

Well-known member
from germany
Pronouns: she/her
Posts: 423
:hi: welcome back. I've missed you and i'm glad you are looking for treatment. You've been on a good way and i hope you find back on that track. Good luck.
 

kandy

Active member
Honeybee Posts: 33
It was raining yesterday so I did some stretches only. @mavie Thanks!

It's raining today, too. I hate the rain. It prevents me from doing most of the active stuff I plan to do.

This afternoon when I got up I did my two mobility exercise routine:
Ankle mobility, 3x10 right, 1x10 left.
Glute stretch, 3x10 left, 2x10 right.
Also a couple other home stretches. Maybe that's all. It's my 3rd day doing the ankle mobility, stubborn forever, but let's keep it up until I make it. ;)
 

kandy

Active member
Honeybee Posts: 33
I did some more due to the weather. Today in total:
Ankle mobility, 3x10 right, 1x10 left
Glutes stretches, 3x10 left, 2x10 right
Single leg deadlifts, 3x10 left and right
Calves stretches, 3x 30sec eash side
15+ mins walk
 

kandy

Active member
Honeybee Posts: 33
@NancyTree thanks for finding the link! Great to see you. I got back the date when I started that more successful attempt. ;)

It can go downhill really quick once you stop fighting it. I basically stopped my resistance at the beginning of Nov. The fatigue, or things in general, is going worse, with or without alcohol. I was too tired to even drink last night. Withdrawal happens earlier, too, and so on, so it isn't even that helpful anymore. Recently the alcohol starts giving me stomach pain, too, besides a few other side effects. I don't know how some people get themselves to a much worse physical situations. The withdrawal or something else must have gone really bad for them to become so.

Not sure if I will not drink tonight. I am still wary of the faint last time, which happened after midnight of my 2nd no alcohol day.

I am expecting some kind of medical treatment this week.
 
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NancyTree

Well-known member
Valkyrie from The Netherlands
Posts: 821
"First day of current streak: 26 Mar 2022"
Acute withdrawal can be dangerous, so you should be careful, especially with the faint you experienced before. Better get some professional advise on what to do.

Take care :vibes:
 

kandy

Active member
Honeybee Posts: 33
@NancyTree I just started my drink as I read your post. It's not even midnight yet but if I remembered it right the faint happened somewhere between 48 to 50 hours after my last first sip of beer. It's been about 49 hours till now as I started drinking. I didn't really feel anything unusual, and I admitted that I wanted to drink, but fear definitely played a role. I was quite anxious during the last hour. Part of me wanted to take that risk.

Who knows? It might not be 50 hours this time, but how about 51, 52, etc.? It's totally unpredictable, and the only thing I can rely on is my previous experience. I know how my recent drinking has been as heavy as the time that led to the faint, if not heavier. I am also experiencing many symptoms that I haven't before. I am not an expert in illness but this addiction has been the most unpredictable and frightening disease so far in my life, if I am allowed to say that it's a disease without feeling bad, in terms of the symptoms and the consequences of stopping. It's not always uncomfortable but can get pretty strange and you have zero understanding of what's even going on. All these can make it quite panicking which ultimately curbs me into picking up a booze.

I have definitely walked more than 15 mins today to qualify the daily walk challenge. Been on my feet for 30+ during the 49th hour, lol, besides other walking during the day.

Daily Walk, day 7
 
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mavie

Well-known member
from germany
Pronouns: she/her
Posts: 423
I don't know how some people get themselves to a much worse physical situations.
Truth is: Exactly the same way you got to your current situation. Excuses and postponing the moment to do something about it.
Please take care of yourself and get some professional help with the withdrawal. The symptoms can be treated well but can become dangerous if not. I understand you are taking steps towards treatment and i wish you courage, strength and good luck.
:hug:
 

kandy

Active member
Honeybee Posts: 33
@mavie but you can get things like stomach pain. It's hard to understand or even believe when you see on the internet things like alcoholics throwing up blood. Maybe I am just not that tolerant but the stomach pain is enough for me to stop more frequently or drink less. I went to the center today. It's a public/ nonprofit institution, so the procedure wouldn't go fast like you would want it to... Therefore we are still going with the tapering route, but we get better strategy so I believe it will go better this time.

Thanks for the hug. :)
 

kandy

Active member
Honeybee Posts: 33
Dead Hang, day 6, 30 secs
Daily Walk, day 8, 15 mins
Standing Mobility, with EC
15 mins stationary bike, easy ride
3x10 reverse lunges, each side
A couple single leg deadlifts

Mobility/flexibility routine:
- Ankle work, 3x10 right, 1x10 left
- Straight knee calf stretches, 3x30 secs each side
---
Quite a lot exercises today. Just got back to some of the mobility stuff, taking it easy. I couldn't run without knee pain and I knew how my quads were weak, so I hopped onto a stationary bike. Slow, low resistance, nothing crazy, but better than nothing. My leg still got tired. :)

The ankle mobility exercise is working. I was pretty much doing just the right side and recently my right leg is able to bend forward without the knee moving in or out when I get off the bus (the high stair steps), but my left knee can't. I always think my left ankle is more mobile. Guess I am wrong~
 
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kandy

Active member
Honeybee Posts: 33
I was happy with the 30 secs dead hang today. Even tried doing a pull-up, and not surprisingly I couldn't make it but I was getting higher than I expected. Weight probably played a more important role when your muscles weren't strong, if not weaker than before.

When I tried to use only the quads of my front leg to get up from the lunge position, I was stuck and couldn't move. It felt like that moment when you were not allowed to jerk a sit up and you failed. I think I am going to work on quad strength until I can do that, which is just basic functioning. Even then it will be a nice achievement. Meanwhile keep working on the ankle and some stationary bike.
 
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kandy

Active member
Honeybee Posts: 33
Dead Hang, day 7
Daily Walk, day 9
Easy Core, day 3

Mobility/flexibility routine:
- Ankle work, 3x10 right, 1x10 left
- Straight knee calf stretches, 1x10 dynamics each side, 2x30 secs each side
- Single-leg deadlifts, 3x10 holds each side, plus hamstrings and glutes stretches on the left side

Weight:
- One arm bent over rows, 20lbs, 8, 8, 4 each side, plus 1x8 with 10lbs
- Modified shoulder press, 10 lbs, 2x5 each side I think, then another set of 5 with light weight


Pull-up curious:
A few inverted rows
Attempted flex Hang and negative pull-ups
---
I woke up at around 6 am, not what I wanted, just messed up by my drinking. Ended up scrolling my phone and looking up pull-up related stuff in bed. I had a little aspiration toward this cool and challenging exercise.

If I can do one arm bent over rows with 50lbs, which is about half my bodyweight, then I should be able to do a pull-up. I know it's not that simple and I don't have that much weight available anyway, but it should still help. That's why I did the one arm row today, also a modified form of the shoulder press, even a couple deadlifts with a black band. My back was a bit tired and sore to start with probably because of the pull-up attempt yesterday, more so after the rows today.

Later on I tried the flex hang and negative at the outdoor playground. Couldn't do it on a regular bar, but I managed to do a tiny teeny bit on the column of bars where people rest their legs on to stretch their hamstrings. My body leaned on the bars so it's like assisted. The negative was easier than the flex hang since I didn't have to hold it that long.

I don't understand how the earth someone can without assistance just transfer from the dead hang to the flex hang, which involves a larger muscle group, but it seems to be what Darebee and some of the sources recommend people to do. Can't even hold 0.1 sec if I try it on a regular bar.

I am curious about what you fellow bees think on all these. ;)
 
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kandy

Active member
Honeybee Posts: 33
Dead Hang, day 9
Daily Walk, day 11, 15+ mins walk
22 mins stationary bike, 10km, easy ride

Mobility/flexibility routine:
- Ankle work, 2x10 right
- Straight knee calf stretches, 1x10 dynamics and 2x30secs static each side
- Glutes, 3x10 left, 2x10 right
- Additional:
Hamstrings stretch, 3 sets of 30 secs each side, with 1 set being aggressive
Butterfly stretch, 3x30 secs
---
Does stationary bike really burn that much calories? It says 272 after riding 22 mins easy, and the pulse, too. Sometimes it says 190 or more and I barely feel much.
 
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NancyTree

Well-known member
Valkyrie from The Netherlands
Posts: 821
"First day of current streak: 26 Mar 2022"
Calculating burned calories is always very unprecise, because many factors are involved and it'svery personal. If it measures a pulse of 190, I can imagine it calculates more calories because then you are paying a lot of effort to ride. 190 seems a bit much for what you describe, I think you should be totally out of breath with that pulse.. does it use those hand irons on the 'handbar'? A separate heart rate strap is most trustworthy. So I'd say: don't judge your exercise on those numbers, cycling 20 minutes is on itself really good 😊
 

kandy

Active member
Honeybee Posts: 33
Thanks! :ss: @NancyTree

Nah not at all. When it said 190 I was just a little winded at most. Sometimes it makes me doubt myself. yes I had my palms touching the metal on the handles. If that's 190, my kendo session might shoot up to 290 or more.

I was also suspicious because I felt like the calories would depend on weight? Like if a 100lb person do the same workout as a 200lb one the light individual will burn less. Correct me if I am wrong.

I loved the 20-min ride. I was not forcing it, just staying comfortable. I was planning 20 min but by that time I would like to hit 10km so I went on and ended at 22 mins.
 
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NancyTree

Well-known member
Valkyrie from The Netherlands
Posts: 821
"First day of current streak: 26 Mar 2022"
Yes, a person with a higher weight burns more. I'm not sure if the additional weight takes more effort (like when using a 5 vs a 10 lbs dumbbell), but also because there are more cells/cell mass to give energy. Also the ratio fat/muscle mass counts.

10 km in 22 min? That's pretty fast! 😊
 

kandy

Active member
Honeybee Posts: 33
Screenshot_20221205-202206_Bike Workout.jpg
I found a random spinning app. This one was a "beginner's" cardio workout. I didn't know who wrote this app but this was NOT a beginner's workout. I biked at half the suggested resistance level at the lowest end of range, with 10 to 30 less Rpm, and I didn't complete the whole thing, close though, with the set before the cool down skipped. My form collapsed pretty quick during the hard set, too. Didn't want injury and I was supposed to have physical activity tomorrow, too.

But this experience tells me how this machine can really build leg strength.

Fortunately I find another app with a much more reasonable beginner's workout.
 

kandy

Active member
Honeybee Posts: 33
I survived! :worried:

Didn't have a lot of sleep last night. When I was awake in bed I was feeling soreness at the thighs and knees, but when I got out of bed in the morning I was fine. Best news of the day, probably.

Definitely had some walk, too. Daily Walk, day 12
 

kandy

Active member
Honeybee Posts: 33
Two days ago I did 10 mins bike and 10 mins stretching.

Today it was 17 mins stationary bike, including 5 min hard work of high resistance pedaling: 50 rpm, level 4/10, or 8 of 20 resistance.

I regretted going for that workout a bit after 1 min into that 5 min intense session because I actually went 2 days, or almost 3 to be exact, without alcohol for the first time in the past 1.5 month, and the withdrawal hit a bit more strongly today, mostly headache, heavy head, and fatigue. It's relatively mild, though, if you compared them to what I was experiencing in Oct, when, by the end of the month I decided not to fight against it anymore. But that's another story. But the 2 to 3 days mark meant quite a lot to me, because at least I went pass the nightmare of sudden faint.

The intense workout kinda exacerbated those symptoms, or they intensified each other. I was getting a bit dizzy and heart pounding despite the headache. Just proved how limited you could go down the fitness path if you were a heavy drinker/ addicted. I had to reduce it down to 7/20 (which still showed 4/10 with 4 dots:LOL:) after 3.5 mins, though I was probably just a bit lazy, too. I finished the workout, nonetheless, and I was happy. Stronger legs I will have, I believe, since the resistance level was pretty high for me. ;) I finally drank, and feeling well again quite immediately. :D It's just a couple sip of what I had with me in the bag.

Didn't count the walk but I probably did the 15 mins more often than I thought. Let's put day 18, Daily Walk challenge.
 
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kandy

Active member
Honeybee Posts: 33
One of the things that make quitting hard is how you can have stupid "speculative" thoughts once you have a slightly better control over it. Like "what if I just drink more, I can just stop any time." I fell into those traps before while I was trying to quit, not even when I had been sober for a month. But then you just stop speculating and think about the kind of real game/life/deal/possibilities you can have after getting into sobriety. Life in addiction is a never ending meaningless wasting cycle... just don't buy into it is a blind belief that I try to hold onto... but, hell, who knows how it will turn out. :eager:

The condition makes me feel like a loser at least to a certain degree because of the self control, but people working in the addiction field are always more encouraging and understanding than I expect.
 
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Fremen

Well-known member
Mercenary from Italy
Posts: 1,104
"“Keep an eye on the staircases. They like to change.” Percy Weasley, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone."
Happy New Year :fireworks:
 

kandy

Active member
Honeybee Posts: 33
@Fremen Thanks! Just decided to type some update on my journey and saw your greeting! :ss:

Still on my way tapering down alcohol. Honestly I am not drinking a whole lot like a fifth of vodka to start with, but somehow it just has to go slow, otherwise it can just come back and hit hard. I was watching a youtube video about Alcoholics Anonymous while drinking some, lol. It's not a typical introductory video about the organization, but a podcast done by a few Christians. It's interesting to learn how they actually critize AA as a "false religion" while so many, including me, think of it as religious or a "cult", or wondering at least, because of the wordings of the 12 steps. Obviously I have never attended AA and I don't see myself going, either, but the video is quite eye opening. Now there are things that I don't agree with the video and some of the points are just incomprehensible to me due to their Christian belief, but that's another story.

Otherwise, things are going in the right direction in general, though not without dangerous thoughts of just drinking as much as I want along the way. I have done that twice, I guess, recently, but I am having it under control, at this very moment. ;) Yeah it's just really stupid to still have those thoughts after some real suffering, and I really wish I were better, ugly truth, bruh.
 
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kandy

Active member
Honeybee Posts: 33
I probably screwed my stomach with a drinking binge a couple days ago. It's not a super awful binge but probably the biggest for the last 2 months. Now when I eat I can consume just a bit more than the amount that stops me from feeling hungry. If I eat more I will get stomach pain later on.

Hopefully I will get out of it soon. My body can't afford eating like 800 or 500 calories a day for more than a week. It's not fun either when you have to control your eating like this.

Saw the new releases, too :LOL:. So happy that Darebee finally has an entirely stretching program. Yoga is great too but Unbound is more to my taste. The new programs are all great, including the running ones. I just don't think I can stick with those. If anything realistic it's probably Unbound for me.
 
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kandy

Active member
Honeybee Posts: 33
Unbound, day 1

Feeling great during the stretches! :ss: My legs also got fatigue right after. I guess they were just tight for real, which meant it's exactly what they need. :worried: Haven't stretched for ages.

And the exercises were not "just stretches." It took some effort to hold certain positions. It's certainly a way to make gains.

Glow workout.
Did another stretching piece after Unbound. ;)
 
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kandy

Active member
Honeybee Posts: 33
Unbound, day 2
Not having much fun with these stretches. I was not used to them, which was probably why. But the first one went pretty well along with deep breathing. My arms reached a bit higher every time I inhaled deeply and expanded my rib cage 360 degrees. This technique works with some other stretches not in this workout, too. Practice breathing does have multiple benefits. ;)

Back and Shoulders, day 1
I am not sure if this is something that I need but I know I need to work on my back, not the lats but things like mid and lower traps, postural things in general and a bit of strength. Still experimenting.

Lowerbody stretches
 
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kandy

Active member
Honeybee Posts: 33
Unbound, day 3
Morning Stretch
Lowerbody stretches
kendo solo practice

I did this yesterday, too, mostly footwork (a lot) and then my calf got tired today. Today's solo worked the calf, too, but I was doing much less.
---
My stomach gets better, but it feels stuffed and done when I still want to eat. Now on a daily basis I am eating about half to 2/3 of what I used to have, and I am getting used to this new amount... but I am just not satisfied in general and I don't know how to describe that feeling. :(

People suggest eating more frequently when you can't eat much each time, but that's easier said than done. I used to eat twice a day with snacks occasionally. Now I either still eat twice a day or I eat multiple times if I luckily manage to, but the amount will still be around the same, half to 2/3 of what it was before.
 

kandy

Active member
Honeybee Posts: 33
Morning workout right out of bed:
Morning Stretch
2 Minute Warmup
Calf raises:

- Single-leg straight calf raises, +2kg, 3x8/8
- Bent knee calf raises, 3x15
Unbound, day 4
---
This is not the end of the day but I just log here. Love today's Unbound.
 
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