(Quiet rant) Dealing with disordered eating

[TakingBabyStepsBack]

So...I just want to use this space to quietly vent.

One of the big problems that's keeping me from being consistent on here with workouts is a problem with a disordered eating pattern. It started when my second attempt to run a 5K crashed out thanks to an injury, and part of me metaphorically died when the reality hit that running wasn't an option anymore.

I know that in recent posts I was mentioning that I was trying to work with an RD through an app called 1st Phorm, which was pretty much all I could reasonably afford since my insurance won't cover a private practice RD (yes, I tried). Those who do read this will be the first to know that it didn't work out: Having to log my food was a constant trigger, causing more restrictions, and I wasn't getting undivided attention which I needed because for my purposes I'm starting from square one from a nutritional point of view. The RDs, plural, didn't understand that with my hunger/satiation cues basically beaten to where the sun doesn't shine -- this problem isn't new -- I'm not feeling hungry even if I'm going 10 hours between any kind of food, which happened thrice on the spin this week alone. The only clue that something is wrong is that my energy levels feel exhausted after a couple of days of this, but since I have no concept of how to bring my hunger cues back I just keep letting it happen. There is no plan of attack because I didn't get the help I needed to establish one.

My doctor has been of no use because I am apparently not underweight enough yet and there is a strong urge to continue doing this just to get the dolt's attention...but I'm tired of running myself into the ground for lack of intelligent ideas and options. I'm not going to ask for advice because that's not what this section is for, but I'm frustrated because I'm sick of being tired and don't know what to do.

 

[TakingBabyStepsBack]

@Dragonborn Fair question, and since this is the safe space, I’ll definitely talk.

Carb supplements I’m not familiar with. I did pick some protein powder recently that I intend to use for shakes and smoothies…we’ll see how that goes. Certainly open to suggestions on this front.

Without question — and other bees who see this are welcome to comment too — my biggest fear is becoming just like the work colleague that you described. This past week I had skipped meals for three days on the spin just because I felt fat and depressed from the few photos of myself that I’ve taken, despite visual evidence to the contrary.

 

[lofivelcro]

I kind of get where you're coming from. I rarely, if at all, feel hunger. If I don't have someone poking me or I put food on my to-do list, I don't eat for two days, get euphoric for another two days, before the lack of energy kicks in. The result was that I mostly scraped around the underweight category.
I don't know your background with disorders or what an RD is. For me, it has always been this way, and I don't have a disorder.
But what helped me was making a conscious effort to eat one meal a day, and make it a good one. I used to make a big pot of whatever I could get: meat, innards, fish, bread, heavy cream, cheese rinds, whatever. I would eat as much of that in one sitting as I could and reheat it the next day, rinse and repeat. Of course, stuff like cream and cheese rinds I only added daily. I didn't count calories or didn't log my food. Aside from that, I drunk a f*ckload of milk. That mostly covered my bases.
Later, when I got in a relationship, my partner took care of putting food in front of me whenever I needed it.
Basically, go OMAD. Even if you eat a lot in that one meal, you can rarely overeat. Maybe that helps if you feel fat.
You could also look for someone who's good with photography and have some real good photos taken of you. Maybe that would help, too.
I don't know much about carbs, but I would go protein first, but not neglect carbs. In the end, you have to try out what works for you.

 

[Furrymama]

For me, the only reason I record what I eat (and I'm not usually accurate with the portions) is because my body is going through changes (belly aches, heaviness, etc) and I want to know what I'm consuming so that if a doctor asks me, I have a point of reference.
Is there any particular food that you really like or crave often? How about stocking up on that and eating it throughout the day? Maybe that will get your "juices flowing" and you might start eating regular meals? I have my preferences and I usually keep some on hand, but I definitely don't have the problem of not eating. LMAO. I don't usually allow myself to "listen" to my hunger cues. I've been so ingrained in eating at specific times of the day, due to working, that I don't know any different.