No, I literally cannot do 20 kg (vent)

Noen

Member
Alchemist from Germany
Posts: 9
"Plural life"
So I was just at the gym, and today they had like a class of aspiring physical therapists, sports students or personal trainers (don't know which) there who were all working out. I had chatted up one of the young men when setting up my squat rack (I always have a lot of trouble replacing the 20 kg barbell with my 5 kg aluminium one because right now I can only squat 6 kg) and somewhere between my third and fourth set he said to me: "I believe you can do 20 kg."

I explained how with how deep I'm going and the timing (three seconds down, one second up) I can barely do 6 kg. In fact in my last set I couldn't do the full eight reps, I could only do six. And he made that face that showed he didn't believe me, you know the one.

That conversation stuck with me, it really bothered me. And after a few more exercises I realised that I've been hearing "encouragement" like that my entire life. People expect stuff of me that I literally cannot do. I can barely carry the 20 kg bar, let alone squat with it. But no, people's "minimum expectations" are already beyond me.

I've been wondering for a long time why my husband associates physical exhaustion with joy and freedom, while I associate it with shame and failure. I always suspected it was another bullying thing but today I realised it had nothing to do with my classmates: It was my teachers.

There was never a point in time where the "warmup" before PE class was not way too hard for me, since I was not a sporty child. So naturally I would take breaks when I was out of breath. And then the teacher would go "Come on Noen, don't just stand there" or "You in the back, I can see you, keep going" and other such helpful "encouragements". I've been to seven schools and had at least ten PE teachers but they all did it. They all did exactly this: Shaming me for being out of breath, for being physically exhausted, for daring to take a break during the "warmup", implying or outright saying I was lazy for it, punishing me verbally for not meeting their completely misplaced expectations of me.

Thinking about this genuinely made me break out into tears in the middle of my hip abduction set and I just had to quit the workout right then and there and go home because I couldn't stop.

No wonder I hate being out of breath, no wonder I constantly apologise to our trainer for progressing slowly, taking a break or not doing a full set every time. No wonder I hate when I feel that I have hit my limit. Because I was taught my entire childhood that hitting my limit means I'm lazy, a failure, worthy of being shamed in front of the entire class.
 

Noen

Member
Alchemist from Germany
Posts: 9
"Plural life"
Hugs. and that's one reason why I love this community - it is positive, whatever you do, even if one set level I, is encouraged by others, never seen any post intimating at laziness or failure. I hope the spirit here can help you heal from these treatments.
Well the guys was also only trying to be encouraging. But "you can do it" is like... not it.
 

Fremen

Well-known member
Shaman from Italy
Posts: 3,664
"“Keep an eye on the staircases. They like to change.” Percy Weasley, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone."
I don't think there is an effective remedy against people's intrusiveness but I think it's a great thing to know and respect your limits :)
 

Nevetharine

Well-known member
Viking from The Depths
Pronouns: She/her
Posts: 879
I know how you feel! Although you were sad, it's freeing in a sense to admit that you have that limit.

This kind of 'encouragement' frequently makes us compare ourselves to others too, when frankly, the only person we CAN compare to is our past selves.

Nobody is in your body and knows how it feels like you do. So, no guilt should be involved. Easier said than done, I know, especially if you've been hearing B.S like that your whole life.
 

PetiteSheWolf

Well-known member
Alchemist from France
Posts: 1,707
Just to add something about what Nevetharine said, and that may be worth hearing for older bees - and some other, even comparing to your past self may be self-defeating. For a practical example, I ran twice a 7 km race. Couldn't anymore, the cardiologist would not sign the waiver now- and I understand why. I am not as I was before my decompensation and surgery. BUT I am still alive. So trying to do my /present/ best, and asking God (or insert whatever term you feel comforable with :LOL:) to have the wisdom to know what it may be!
 

oneironaut

Well-known member
Alchemist from Astral Sea
Posts: 89
"Are you dreaming?"
I don't think there is an effective remedy against people's intrusiveness but I think it's a great thing to know and respect your limits :)

Couldn't agree more with Fremen's concise take here.

Every time I work out, I think about what I had to overcome to be there and feel proud and tough that I'm there despite all the odds and despite how the workout felt. Other people don't know your origin story or your limits and often aren't really mindful that someone else's life might be very different from theirs. You are amazing and persistent so do your best to file those comments in the trash bin regardless of how pure the intention seems. And as Fremen said, it's far wiser to know and respect limits than impress anyone.
 

Furrymama

Active member
from Ohio USA
Posts: 34
Personally, I have never been sporty or active or anything of the sort. For me to be able to walk a few miles and keep up with my husband (I'm 51 years old now) is a major accomplishment for me. I've never had anyone "encourage" me to do more. I've only had my parents either tell me to lose weight or exercise more. That's the extent of their "encouragement" when I was growing up. But I WOULD tell anyone that insists I can and should do more than what I am currently doing to "go fly a kite". I don't like those kinds of people and I stay away from them as much as possible.
 
from Australia
Posts: 16
"So Far No Limits"
You know your limits better than anyone. You are doing this for you. Encouragement is a good thing, but telling someone to more than triple what they are doing is being a smart arse. To hell with them, I hope you can learn to just ignore these types of clowns.
 

gerbil

Member
Assassin from winterset iawa
Posts: 18
"if it doesn't challenge you it doesn't change you"
So I was just at the gym, and today they had like a class of aspiring physical therapists, sports students or personal trainers (don't know which) there who were all working out. I had chatted up one of the young men when setting up my squat rack (I always have a lot of trouble replacing the 20 kg barbell with my 5 kg aluminium one because right now I can only squat 6 kg) and somewhere between my third and fourth set he said to me: "I believe you can do 20 kg."

I explained how with how deep I'm going and the timing (three seconds down, one second up) I can barely do 6 kg. In fact in my last set I couldn't do the full eight reps, I could only do six. And he made that face that showed he didn't believe me, you know the one.

That conversation stuck with me, it really bothered me. And after a few more exercises I realised that I've been hearing "encouragement" like that my entire life. People expect stuff of me that I literally cannot do. I can barely carry the 20 kg bar, let alone squat with it. But no, people's "minimum expectations" are already beyond me.

I've been wondering for a long time why my husband associates physical exhaustion with joy and freedom, while I associate it with shame and failure. I always suspected it was another bullying thing but today I realised it had nothing to do with my classmates: It was my teachers.

There was never a point in time where the "warmup" before PE class was not way too hard for me, since I was not a sporty child. So naturally I would take breaks when I was out of breath. And then the teacher would go "Come on Noen, don't just stand there" or "You in the back, I can see you, keep going" and other such helpful "encouragements". I've been to seven schools and had at least ten PE teachers but they all did it. They all did exactly this: Shaming me for being out of breath, for being physically exhausted, for daring to take a break during the "warmup", implying or outright saying I was lazy for it, punishing me verbally for not meeting their completely misplaced expectations of me.

Thinking about this genuinely made me break out into tears in the middle of my hip abduction set and I just had to quit the workout right then and there and go home because I couldn't stop.

No wonder I hate being out of breath, no wonder I constantly apologise to our trainer for progressing slowly, taking a break or not doing a full set every time. No wonder I hate when I feel that I have hit my limit. Because I was taught my entire childhood that hitting my limit means I'm lazy, a failure, worthy of being shamed in front of the entire class.
its okay but im only 14 and can lift 120
 
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