LGBTQ+

[Sif_Shepard]

This thread had a special place in my heart and I wanted to see it moved to our new community forum so I decided to do it myself

Feel free to hang out if you'd like!

 

[Sif_Shepard]

I'm pan and my wife is trans. We've been married for almost 15 years, and she has been transitioning for the past year and a half. Very happy for her, it has been going very well!

Hope you are all doing well too!

 

[DorothyMH]

I'm pan and my wife is trans. We've been married for almost 15 years, and she has been transitioning for the past year and a half. Very happy for her, it has been going very well!

Hope you are all doing well too!

So glad you’ve restarted this. I think it makes us all feel more inclusive
I am a bisexual woman married to a man for the last 20+ years. Before that I was with a woman for nearly 12 years. My daughter is queer and my granddaughter already says she herself is pan. It’s a rainbow full of fun!

 

[Sif_Shepard]

So glad you’ve restarted this. I think it makes us all feel more inclusive

That was part of my reasoning, the inclusivity. Even though it wasn't always very active on the old hive it still made me happy having it around.


Love that for you and your family!

 

[DorothyMH]

That was part of my reasoning, the inclusivity. Even though it wasn't very active on the old hive it still made me happy having it around.


Love that for you and your family!

My granddaughter is starting a crafty artsy thing today called “Rainbow School”. Not sure if the proprietors are allies, just inclusive, or what. My daughter had signed up/paid before I got here, and I failed to get a satisfying answer. But, granddaughter seems excited about it, as she has met the leader gal, so….?

 

[Sif_Shepard]

That sounds fun! Hope it goes well for her!

 

[Fitato]

I'm pan and my wife is trans. We've been married for almost 15 years, and she has been transitioning for the past year and a half. Very happy for her, it has been going very well!

Hope you are all doing well too!

How did you feel when your wife told you she was trans?

 

[Fitato]

I vaguely identify as bisexual, but it doesn't feel right. I identified as pansexual from when I was 14 until I was about 23, then I started questioning that label (I'm 25 now). There are often moments where I think I may be straight, but then I think about it harder and I think "Well, I would like to be with a woman, and I would enjoy marrying one and being intimate with one, and that doesn't seem straight to me" lol.

I hate the concept of gender these days, to be honest. No idea what I identify as (I briefly identified as agender for a year or so when I was a teen, but I stopped caring). I feel perfectly comfortable being a female (purely referring to my sex, not my gender). I have no desire to have a different body. But with gender, it feels like there's just too much going on there, and I no longer have the energy (or desire) to try figuring it out. A couple of my friends called me they/them when I told them I wasn't completely sure about my pronouns, and it made me so happy when they used they/them for me. But she/her still kind of feels like my default. And I honestly don't think it matters at the end of the day what people call me or what I identify as. I'm just a person.

I had a "phase" for a few years where I hated it when people called me a woman or a "miss/ms". It only recently ended -- I guess I still don't like being called these things, but I don't know why. I think I need to be more at peace and let go of the idea that these words hold any real meaning. They are just words.

(This is all just how I feel about these words and labels and concepts -- I know other people feel much differently about them and that's okay! I'm only speaking for myself. I don't want those words to mean anything, but I know they mean something to other people.)

 

[Sif_Shepard]

@Fitato a little bewildered because we had been together for years already with no inkling to any of this, she didn't really fully realize it about herself until shortly before she told me, and she was quite emotional when she told me so my first priority was really making sure she was okay. I remember feeling a little blank in my mind trying to process but just wanting to be there for her. I told her I didn't mind, I still loved her, everything would be okay. She decided she didn't want to do anything about it at the time, I decided she was the person I chose to be with and that wasn't going to change. For a few years I suppose we both quietly got used to the idea of what it would mean for her to transition if/when she ever chose to. When she was ready, I was glad for it because I knew it was always going to lead down this road. It was scary but we've been very lucky.

During this time I came to grips with the fact that I wasn't straight, as I had found attraction all over the place when I was younger but because I liked guys and all my friends were boy-crazy we all got swept up in that and I never really thought too much about it. My eating disorder had also fogged a lot of my attraction to women, like did I like them or did I wish I looked like them (it was both lol). I thought about it off and on every so often even before wife came out to me, but it just felt like a moot point since I was happy in my marriage. After she came out, I thought about it more often for obvious reasons, and I very distinctly remember getting emotionally wrecked over Rosa coming out as bi in Brooklyn 99 and very nearly coming out that night lol it hit me hard. I also couldn't decide between bi and pan at first but pan just fits me better and so I went with that when I did come out to my wife a short while later.

 

[Kanary]

I love this thread.
I've known I was bi since I realized people who aren't attracted to a broad spectrum of genders existed. If I were younger, I expect I would say I am pan, but I've been bi a looong time and changing the label won't change who I am.
My feelings on my own gender are complex and somewhat adversarial. But I am always super excited when people are trying to pursue their best lives to whatever extent that feels safe for them (since I know we have a few trans bees who are out online but not in all spaces - I bee-lieve you about who you are and where you are safe).

 

[Sif_Shepard]

I think genderfluid people are awesome

 

[SkorpionUK]

Oh hey! I describe myself as lesbian these days, after about 25 years of using the "bisexual" label. Or to put it another way, I've been attracted to women for as long as attraction has been something I'm aware of; with men, the best I can manage is friendship, though not for lack of trying

 

[Kithiel]

I'm trans and omni/demisexual. I used to identify as bisexual, but omni seems more accurate because I have a strong preference for men.

 

[Storm]

I'm very new. Only realized I was LGBTQ+ this past May/June. I'm most comfortable right now with the Demisexual lable, not sure on gender or romantic stuff entirely? possibly somewhere on the aromantic and agender spectrums, still trying to figure that out. Still doing a lot of searching and questioning.

 

[Fitato]

I had the most bizarre experience ever not so long ago. In a good way. I was talking to a woman about my former best friend (my former best friend was a girl). This woman was someone I barely knew, we'd only met one or two days prior. She asked me if I had been in a relationship with my former best friend. This was despite her knowing that I like men. She just asked me it so casually, like it's normal to be bisexual and not something out of the ordinary at all. I was shocked. I don't think that's ever happened to me before. It's always been "Do you like women?" or "Are you bisexual?" Those questions make it seem like they're not usual. She was bisexual too, so that's mostly why, but it was still a cool experience, lol.

Funnily, in that same day, a different bisexual girl who I also didn't know for very long asked if I was bi. What a strongly bisexual day that was lol. I think most people assume I'm straight because of heteronormativity and all that jazz, but when I was a teen, I had a friend tell me that I "walk like a lesbian" -- which I thought was hilarious.

I am glad that I am in a place where I don't feel I have to "come out". I'll mention my sexuality if it's relevant, but it never feels like I'm revealing a secret or something. It's casual, similar to just letting someone know I'm a Christian, or that I have a cat. I've actually never "come out" in the dramatized sense.

 

[Nevetharine]

Since I made a post about this today on my thread, I supposed I might make one here.

Note - I don't know if I fit into a category here. So if this just sounds like a weird personality thing... Oh well.

I've decided to talk about this on my thread today because I feel it's a major cause of my ...ah... Issues... With my body image and my disordered eating habits. And I've never told this to anyone, but it feels safer to say it over a phone than it does in person.

I'm female, but I have a masculine side...if that makes sense. And I have periods where the masculine side is more dominant than the feminine one (lol, like 50% of my life). In those periods it's usually when I hate my body. Like fiercely. Because it's soft. Maybe that's odd, I don't know. And I go through weird cycles of exercising to exhaustion or not wanting to eat because I just want the softness gone - like NOW.

Yet I'm more attracted to males than females... But I want to be a male at times. And the only means of me expressing that is by reading/writing through the eyes of a male, or strength training because I can kind of close my eyes and imagine that my muscles are bigger than they are. Or weird stupid stuff like cutting my nails really short. I've had a short boy cut of hair for most of my life until I got married.

I kind of made a stupid joke and said that fitness can absolutely take my boobs away. I really don't mind.

Anyhoo. There's nothing I can do about it. Ever. Which is very frustrating.

I don't even know if this fits in here. But ya'll are rainbows and nice, so. There you are. I've never actually looked at the labels. I kind of also feel that they don't matter. So I have no idea what the heck I'd identify as.

 

[Nevetharine]

That's a very kind of spiritual yogic view of it. I like it

@Nevetharine I'm much the same, I see this like Yin & Yang which revolves, sometimes Yin is on top then sometimes Yang.

View attachment 1032

 

[Fitato]

Maybe it's because it's a college town, but at least half of my irl friends are LGBT+. Yesterday, I hung out with two friends (one I was meeting in person for the first time, the other I'd hung out with only once before). We started talking about dating. The boy said he was gay, and I told him that's an issue for me because I am extremely homophobic. He joked about being sexist and finding me inferior to him. Later, the girl ended up showing us her dating profile - I had wondered if she was bisexual because she always blushed and giggled when I winked at her, so it was neat seeing "bisexual" on her profile. Then I made sure to casually mention my experiences on dating apps with men and women. I'm pretty sure she knew I was into women because of how hard I was flirting with her the last time we hung out, but sometimes you gotta clarify these things XD

So like, we all came out as gay to each other and it was sort of funny lol.

~

@Nevetharine What you've described happens to a lot of people! I think everyone has masculinity and femineity to them - the difference is just how often you feel like one or the other, or how much you feel like one or the other (or both). I'm sorry you don't feel comfortable with your body sometimes, and I hope you can find a way to become comfortable. Cutting your nails short definitely isn't stupid

Here's a good meme I saw the other day that sort of relates - more "masculine" (tomboy) style vs more "feminine" style - I want both at the same time!

Spoiler

 

[Nevetharine]

@Fitato my hair has been cut short like the picture below for most of my life. I only started growing it when I met my husband.

I definitely want to be more male than female. Most of the time. But oh well. Sigh.

 

[Jenivix]

@Nevetharine You're like the mirror of my husband - you're not alone in the way you feel. Given a choice in video games he'll play women, he'll write as female characters and in the past has told me he sometimes wakes up confused that he isn't female. And he has worn his hair long for most of his life. He used to look quite androgenous but as he has aged he has become more masculine in appearance and he has become more comfortable in his body. He used to consider himself bisexual but considers it an irrelevance since he's married to me. He found his calling as a Dad. He considered a trans identity when he was younger but he decided that since a sex change wouldn't make him a biological female there was no point (i.e. the outside could change but ultimately he wouldn't have a womb).

We compliment each other well however - I have more masculine traits and he has more feminine ones.

Aaaand... when I write from the male perspective . I don't however have any dysmorphia issues regarding sex.

I guess like @Fitato I hope you feel you aren't alone and well, that you can feel normal.

I don't label myself as anything - I personally don't find them helpful.

 

[Ga1axyShad]

Hi! I am new here haha.
I am a 19 y.o. pan trans guy who just recently got into exercise. I've been on hormones since 17, because from a very young age I just knew I was a man. It honestly saved my life. I didn't even think I'd make it to 18.
Shortly before christmas I got top surgery, so I had to rest and not move much. I've never felt so free and so comfortable with myself before, though.
Since I've always been quite heavy I had a huge chest, which made it impossible for me to exercise due to dysphoria. Due to severe trauma I also developed an eating dissorder, which I'm trying to get rid of with the help of my therapist. Because of that I did lose a lot of weight, but became very weak and dizzy (i went from 119kg to 73kg). I've been on medication for a long time too.
I have just graduated high school and am preparing for college. Because of me being more comfortable with my identity I started doing something with myself. My eating dissorder is slowly improving, even though it takes a lot of strenght to fight it. Even thought these are just small steps, I am proud of myself, kind of. (It feels weird to be proud of myself because my self esteem has been just ruined from a very young age and I feel like I don't deserve to be proud - again, working on that)
So yeah, wanted to add my lil story. I hope I stick with it because I do have quite bad ADHD too haha
So transitioning saved my life, I've never been happier. Looking forward I don't plan on getting bottom plastic surgery, as I've never been dysphoric because of that. I do want to get my uterus and ovaries taken out, because these do make me dysphoric. Now I'm kinda looking forward to growing old. Still I prefer to work out at home because I do have fear of being judged and I am often uncomfortable around "gymbros" (yet again, trauma induced fear of men).
Still, I am doing whatever I can and I hope it's enough ^^

 

[Juan Martin]

I've never been happier. Especially after discovering the tools from secrets-shop. They are amazing!

Glad to hear that. Wish you all the best!

 

[Henry (thinman)]

Streaming on Netflix . . .