TRbrat: Rise from the ashes...


Well-known member
from germany
Pronouns: she/her
Posts: 501
Ya'll, Im really struggling with the new darebee site. Either I dont have time to properly figure it out or theres things that just arent as easy to do...idk. Like, I have a harder time keeping up with friends threads because its not listed in my notifications when they post something new. I have to either click on my 'following' then click on the person then scroll to the bottom of the page to click on the last page...or go to check in thread and search there. Please tell me I am overcomplicating this lol!

I'm not sure how things work when you follow a bee but if you watch their checkin threads this is one way:
Hit What's new/New Posts and adjust the Filter options to watched content. I hope this helps.


Well-known member
Hunter from the sticks
Posts: 552
"Tomorrow do thy worst, for I have lived today"
I'm glad to read that the divorce is final. You've struggled so long on the way to this point, I hope it goes well from here. :hug:

And, oh yes, bulking up takes a dedicated effort for most women, so you absolutely don't have to worry that you accidentally reach Hulk mode without catching the early signs. Except for when you have freakishly high testosterone levels. Which I suppose you don't have.

Btw, I think many struggled with the new Hive at first. I still do occasionally. And I don't get many notifications of being tagged, either.


Well-known member
Mother of Dragons Posts: 51
"Our Greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising every time we fall"
Thanks, @mavie Ill try that out
Thanks to all for the hugs and kind words, A lot has happened over this last year, my head never stops spinning.
I'm hoping that getting back into working out will help me in more ways than just physically. Im so stressed out, and so tired.


Well-known member
Mother of Dragons Posts: 51
"Our Greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising every time we fall"
Thurs 12/15: Upper Body (Chest, triceps, abs)
1A) Seated chest press machine 3x10 (45, 30, 30 lb -almost to much)
1B) Bench Dips 3x8
2A) Cable High to Low Chest Fly 3x10 (10,10,12.5lb This is hard to gauge the weight ratio)
2B) Cable Triceps pulldown 3x12 (20lb)
3A) Push-ups 3x6 (on knees)
ABS-2 rounds
skipped Crossbody elbow to knee to toe touch 8e(ok if anyone knows what this is please fill me in because I couldnt figure out what I was supposed to do)
Medicine Ball Russian Twist 10lb
Scissor Kicks 20


Well-known member
Mother of Dragons Posts: 51
"Our Greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising every time we fall"
Friday 12/16: Lower Body
Bosu ball squats 4x10
1B) Med ball overhead hold, high knees 4x20 10lb
1C) Wall Sits with Dumbbell Curls 4x12 10lb
1D) Medicine Ball Slam 4x12 10lb
15 min treadmill. slow build up to 3 min run @4.5 then reverse
(2m 3.0, 2m 3.5, 2m 4, 3m 4.5, 2m 4.0, 2m 3.5, 2m 3.0)

12/17: did absolutely nothing....mental reboot due to stress.

12/18 - 30ish minutes on treadmill- 10min run time @4.5. funny how much longer I can go when thats all i concentrate on. I dont feel as bad now


Well-known member
Mother of Dragons Posts: 51
"Our Greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising every time we fall"
12/19-Lower Body- glutes, quads, calves: now as the reps decrease the weight goes up
1A) Single leg box step-up 8e x4
1B) Body weight lat lunge 10e x4
2A) Narrow Stance Leg Press 10, 8, 8, 6 @ 80, 85, 85, 90lbs
2B) Leg Press calf press 10x4 60lb
3A) Barbell back lunge 8, 8, 6, 6 - No added weight, 20lbs

12/20- Upper Body- chest, triceps, abs
1A) DB Chest press 10, 8, 8, 6 @ 10, 12.5, 12.5, 15lbs
1B) DB overhead tri extension 10, 10, 8, 8 @ 12.5, 12.5, 15, 15lbs
2A) DB chest fly 8, 8, 6, 6 @ 7.5, 7.5, 10, 10lbs
2B) DB single tri kickback 10, 8, 8, 6 10, 12.5, 12.5, 15lbs
Abs-3 rounds my weakest area, so this is tough
Med ball wood chops 10e
Plank hip taps 10e
Leg raise to reverse crunch 10
Bicycle crunches 20
15 min on tread, but i was pretty well spent...i think i ran 5 mins this day. I was really pushing, and cramping a bit
Side note: having to plan out what weight I start with so that I am able to be able to complete the workout by increasing the weights is a bit of a challenge, because the start weight is a bit light for me and thats frustrating, but I am figuring it out

- Lower Body- Glutes, hamstring, shins: with Trainer
1A) DB Hamstring Curl 10, 8, 8, 6
2A) Bulgarian Split Squat 4x8e
2B) DB Hip thrust 10, 8, 8, 6 @ 20, 25, 25, 30lb
3A) DB Curtsy Lunge 8e, 8e, 6e, 6e @ 8, 8, 10, 10lb
3B) DB Single Leg RDL 8, 8, 6, 6 @ 15, 15, 20, 20lb
4A) KB toe flexion 4x8e 10lb


Well-known member
Mother of Dragons Posts: 51
"Our Greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising every time we fall"
12/22- Upper Body-Back, biceps, shoulder, abs
1A) Barbell Overhand bent over row 10, 10, 8, 8 @30, 30, 40, 40lb
1B) DB 21's 4x21 10lb
2A) Barbell Shoulder press 10, 8, 8, 6 @ 20, 30, 30, 40lb- but just barely made it!
3A) Neutral grip seated cable row 8, 8, 6, 6 @ 40, 40, 55, 55lb
Abs 3 Rounds (big oof)
Side plank 30sec (last 2 sets I had to drop my knee)
Bird dog 10
High plank shoulder tap 8e
crossbody mtn climbers 10e

15 min on tread-I was dead 4 min run @4.6

Ok off to do holiday stuff

Everyone have a safe and happy holiday!!


Well-known member
Shaman from Italy
Posts: 1,817
"“Keep an eye on the staircases. They like to change.” Percy Weasley, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone."
Happy New Year


Well-known member
Mother of Dragons Posts: 51
"Our Greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising every time we fall"
12/23-Full Body This was tough
repeat circuit 4 times
1a)Glute band jumping jacks -30
1b)DB Hammer curl-front raise -10 @10lb
1c)Push up to Mountain climber - 8 (had to do knee push ups, last set did 8 p/u then 8 mountain climbers)
1d)Medicine Ball squat to wall toss - 12 2 sets @10lbs, 2 sets @8lbs

24th- 27th i didnt do anything. Holidays and some depression had me not wanting to do anything and my trainer didnt send me anything.

12/28 Lower Body Glutes, quads, calves
1a) Barbell Deadlift 10, 8, 8, 6 @ 65, 75, 75, ? 85 or 90lbs
1b) Heel Raised Goblet Squat 3x10 @15, 15, 20lb
2a) Single leg box squat -8, 8, 6 (i cant even begin to explain how hard these were for me)
2b) Barbell Hip thrust -3x10 @40lb
3a) Leg extensions - 3x12 @ 70lbs- but just barely
4a) Standing calf raise machine -3x10 @ 10lbs

12/29 Upper Body chest, triceps, shoulder, abs
1a) Incline chest press machine - 4x10 @55lb
1b) DB Arnold press - 4x8 @10, 10, 15, 15lb
2a) DB 1-1-2 upright row -10, 10, 8, 8 @ 10, 10, 15, 15lb
2b) Push up - 4x8
3a) Bench dips - 4x8
Abs - 3 rounds
1a) Plank -30 sec -1 low, 2 high
1b) Russian twist - 20
1c) Crossbody elbow to knee to toe touch - 8 (i was supposed to do 8 ea but i did 8 total per set, oops)
1d) Assisted shotguns - 12

12/30 Lower body glutes, hamstrings, shins
1a) Lying hamstring curls - 10, 10, 8, 8, 6 @ 40, 40, 50, 50, 65lb
2a) Barbell RDL - 10, 10, 8, 8 @ 10, 40, 50, 50lb
2b) Banded kickback - 4x10
3a) Barbell Banded glute bridge - 10, 8, 8, 6 @ 30, 40, 40, 50lb
3b) DB Sumo squat - 4x10 @15, 15, 20, 20lb
4a) Kettlebell toe flexion - 4x10 @ 10lb


Well-known member
Mother of Dragons Posts: 51
"Our Greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising every time we fall"
The last few months have been crazy. Emotional. Scary.

To those who dont know and care to read on, I left my husband of 29 years and my son came with me. I have full custody of him. My ex was a very toxic and manipulative person. So after preparing for almost a year i finally walked out. After trying to leave him many many times I finally succeeded. I'll just leave it at that.

After my youngest son(16) changed schools to the local one by my Mom(who we moved in with) he decided to join marching band. This made me happy to see him actually apply himself to something other then a video game, and hoped it would help him with building relationships and making new friends as he wasnt comfortable in this new school(country boy going into a city school is a big change). He was doing very well in MB(marching band) watching him made me so happy, the discipline he showed, how well he was doing in it...i was so proud!! * I feel I need to insert a little background here, for years my son has had this thing, where he would 'fade off' while talking to me. I would get his attention and remind him what he was saying and he would pick right back up with what he was saying. No one ever though much about it, just thought he lost focus (ADHD). * So this started happening during his practice. He would zone out, and end up being out of place, or not doing what he was supposed to be doing. After he told me about this, and seeing it on a video I decided we needed to see what was going on, it was more than just losing focus, because he was very focused during marching. I reached out to his Dr and they told me to take him to the ER, that he may be having seizures. I was like, no...I dont think so...and even if that was the case taking him to the ER they wouldnt be able to do or see anything unless he was actively having one. But the Dr refused to see him. Awesome, ok, after talking to a few places I found a dr that would see him, of course because he was a new patient it took a good long wait for him to even be seen. (a month or longer, I dont remember off the top of my head now). After seeing the new Dr he agreed with me on not taking him to the ER but wanted to schedule him to see a neurologist. If there was any type of abnormality they had the machines to detect it and if nothing else we could rule out if there was something misfiring. He couldnt get in until the end of november to see the neuro, this was a quite a wait as well, like 2-3months at least. His zoning out was happening more frequently during this time. It even happened during a competition.(to which he played off very well).
Then it happened...
We were going out of town for a big competition. He had practice that day so i picked him up from there and we made the 2 1/2 hr drive. He slept most of the way, which is a bit unusual. I stopped and got him something to eat before we got to the hotel. We arrived the night before the competition at the hotel, on 10/20 at around 10:19 pm we had just pulled into the hotel valet area and we were talking, I was trying to figure out where i was supposed to go. Then he grabs my calf and pushes down, like he is trying to get me to push on the gas, I was like what are you doing?! As I am looking around trying to figure out where to go. He doesnt stop, I look over and immediately I know...he is having a seizure. He is slumped over the center console, shaking. Panic sets in. (i have taken care of someone who had grand mal seizures, but man it hits different when its your own child). I push him back into the seat and try talking to him...his face at that time i will never of the scariest moments of my life. I throw the car in park and yell to the valet that my son is having a seizure and its his first. Valet calls 911 for me and I call one of the band boosters as they are the only people that are close to where I'm at at this time. EMS wasnt far away thankfully. He was not actively having a seizure when they arrived, but he was still very out of it. He doesnt remember anything up until he arrived at the hospital, confused as to why he was on a gurney. I got there right as he was realizing where he was.

My son had a grand mal seizure and dislocated both of his shoulders during the seizure.

That night was just awful. Unfortunately getting his shoulders back in place wasnt as easy as they hoped it would be, but at least he didnt need surgery.

Turns out he has Generalized Epilepsy, Absence seizures. They dont know what caused the Grand Mal, but I assume it was the stress from the MB, not just emotional stress(he claims nothing stresses him) but the physical stress. He doesnt have the light sensitivity type, but sleep deprivation is a definite trigger. During his EEG he was actively having seizures...several, evidently. As I sat there and watched him during the testing he just looked like he was sleeping. I could tell he was having them before we even got up to the room because of how out of it he was...and he didnt know it, and argued with me that he was just tired.

They started him on meds its a waiting game.

He just finished physical therapy last week

When I told my daughter the following morning what happened she said she new something was wrong, she could feel it and she couldnt sleep at all that night

Now there are several people telling me about similar situations that they have had, and I am flabbergasted at how common this seems, but no one talks about it.

Now I live with the guilt of now knowing the signs were there, I just didnt know...I didnt know


Well-known member
Hunter from the sticks
Posts: 552
"Tomorrow do thy worst, for I have lived today"
Oh damn, I don't really know what to write. This all seems very unreal, but you reacted so fast even though you were panicked... But really, if you don't know what's what, how should you know the signs? Reading your post, I thought "sounds familiar" because it did, but I would never have guessed epilepsy or seizures. I think that's really something you have to know about to spot it.
I hope the meds will help. I really do. How's your son doing now, if you don't mind me asking?
Keeping you in my thoughts, you and your son and hoping all the best


Well-known member
Mother of Dragons Posts: 51
"Our Greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising every time we fall"
Thank you @JCU & @lofivelcro

He is doing better. As far as I know he hasnt had any more of his absence seizures, but they are hard to catch unless it happens while he is talking to you. Everyone is watching him like a hawk, and sometimes we wonder as he looks off into space, but he assures us he was "just thinking about something". Since he doesnt realize they are happening we will have to wait for his follow up EEG to find out anything. His shoulders are good, he just has a bit of residual pain and that probably wont get any better. He needs to be careful because now they could dislocate easier and if that happens it will probably require surgery. As it happens he fell down a couple stairs going out the back door on Christmas day, I was standing there and was afraid he had another seizure, then once I realized he was not I was worried about his shoulders. He's fine, thankfully, but my life span shortens with every scare!


Well-known member
Huntress from Colorado
Posts: 1,217
"I'm learning to live. I'm trying to be better."
:hug: I am so sorry you and your son had to go through this. I hope the meds provide him with relief. ❤️

Laura Rainbow Dragon

Well-known member
Bard from Canada
Posts: 701
"Striving to be the change."

Congratulations on your divorce! You worked hard and summoned a great deal of strength to make that happen. Now you can truly rise from the ashes like the beautiful Phoenix that you are. Well done!


That must have been so scary when your son had the Grand Mal.


And yet you kept your head, kept him as safe as possible, and got him the help he needed quickly. You are amazing!


Also: you have nothing to feel guilty about. Absence seizures are very difficult to spot because they can look just like things we all do from time to time (becoming distracted, staring off into space, etc.) and sometimes can look like nothing at all. I knew a woman who has them. She has a lot of them, to the extent that she is not able to drive a car--although she otherwise lives a normal life, has a full-time job, etc. One time I was talking with her, face-to-face, and she was explaining about her seizures to me. We had been talking for about 5 minutes when she said, "You probably haven't noticed, but I've had several seizures during the time we've been talking." I had been standing right in front of her, looking at her face the entire time, and not noticed a thing! The important thing is that your son is getting the help he needs now to enable him to thrive going forward.